Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
