Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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