Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
