Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
