I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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