Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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