I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
