i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
