I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
