Please, let me fuck your mom
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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