I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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