I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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