Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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