You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
