I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
