drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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