problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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