We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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