I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
