if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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