Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
