I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
