Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i think my cat just said my name.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
