We won't sleep together?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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