you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
