i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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