there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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