LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
