Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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