At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You are the jesus of drinking
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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