New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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