Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it glows. i had to have it.
this will be a night to untag.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
