at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
