I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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