At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
