your thong is hanging out like whoa
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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