We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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