I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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