he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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