You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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