Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
