Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
