Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
