I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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