He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
