Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
