I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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