You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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