After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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