so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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